(Self-important rant alert)
    I didn’t pick the fight. Boulder did. Or, maybe Kroger did. Either way, they pushed me over the edge. Boulder County Health regulators recently reinstated the indoor mask mandate for publicly open buildings in the County. This includes the King Soopers (Kroger store) in Louisville that I frequent, where I curate and harvest healthy, tasty, professionally approved grub. Now, I don’t believe in the Church of Maskism, because I have never seen any actual science supporting its doctrines, only shifting edicts from the CDC as handed down from on high by Saint Fowchee of White Coat.
    However, I believe it was Sun Milley Tzu who said when it comes to dealing with extremist fanatics, it is prudent to pick worthwhile fights. I believe pushing back against symbolic social controls is certainly worthwhile. But, an archaic tome called the New Testament suggests it is wise to count the cost before building a tower. I’ve self-servingly–don’t say lazily or timidly–interpreted this to include eyeballing the chances of success before crying “Banzai!!” and hurtling headlong. The chances of victory in pushing back signal bullies are enhanced with backup, with fellow warriors to join the fray and spread the fight and keep the rulers off balance. But, unlike such meccas of resistance as Douglas County or Weld County, I live in Louisville, a miasmic Ring to Boulder’s foul Saturn. The local sheep are militant about enforcing sheepish conformity.
    Plus, the messengers who would call me on my transgression are likely to be teen baggers, whose work we want to encourage, or maybe middle aged cashier moms who need the job. I’m grateful they show up for work. I don’t want to make their tasks harder or traumatize them with futile drama that accomplishes zilch. So, till now, I have been a compliant sheep to help maintain shopping tranquility.
    And then. The normal elevator music—which truth be told, is actually a not bad mix of oldies, classic rock, and current ear candy—got interrupted by an official message. One that is repeated with annoying frequency. Cue the anchorman’s dulcet, upbeat baritone:
    “In keeping with local executive orders, all employees, customers, and vendors must wear a mask while inside any King Soopers grocery store. We thank you for making adjustments while we all cooperate to keep ourselves and each other healthy.”
    Executive. Order. Why does Kroger have to embrace and trumpet that suspect concept? Why couldn’t they say “local health regulations” or even “emergency guidelines” or *something* that feigns to apply normal civic principles? No, they leave ringing in my ears that I am under somebody’s order.
    But I am not! I am a civilian. I follow the law, not orders. Even a school kid or younger who’s watched Sesame Street, knows, from city to state to the Grand USA, how a bill becomes a law. And I will not tacitly endorse, submit to, or participate in normalizing the concept that civilian citizens are subject to any commander’s ORDER. So, in the spirit of Spartacus, Patrick Henry, and Vincent Van Gogh, I slipped the loop off one ear, and marched through the aisles like Sherman burning cultural pieties. There, for all to see is my bra-less face, and my mocking, dangling, idled gag.
    In three return trips, I have yet to be apprehended, questioned, or bayonetted. I’m negotiating a nice film deal with Ken Burns.

    Posted by Dana West @ 8:39 pm for 1st Amendment, Adams County Politics, Colorado politics, Denver area politics, Editorial, Issues, Liberal Logic, National politics, NSRF Business, PC Police |

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